I was this many years old when I first heard St. Valentine’s day called “Pink Halloween”. I have to admit that I like it. I’m using the term from henceforth.
We’re not big celebrators of pink halloween – and mainly we are because of the monkey boy (who is four); so neither of us were much dismayed as the snowpocalypse has descended upon south Texas and all were advised to stay at home. We did the math last night, actually – it’s been well over a decade and prior to our marriage that we even went out *for* the date, much less on. Sure, some of that is the whole me liking to cook thing, but I think it’s largely the us despising an overblown holiday kind of thing.
So, in honor of pink halloween, here’s my cheater “fancy” dinner menu for tonight – complete with multiple desserts that are not even started yet and a promise of Instagram posts to follow.
Love y’all. Stay safe and warm and well. Tell your people you love them.
Cheers!
14 Feb 2021 South Texas Snowpocalypse/pink halloween menu
- Green salad with kool-aid pickled grape tomatoes, feta, and basalmic vinegarette (we need to talk about kool-aid pickling soon, friends – it’s magical!)
- Meatball parmesan – served with some spaghetti marinara from the fridge that passed the smell test (meatball recipe to follow)
- Garlic breadsticks (shamelessly unpackaged, defrosted, and toasted – from *gasp* Walmart!)
- Coconut Pecan Macaroons dipped in chocolate (first time item – could be a disaster… but my better half requested them)
- Malted Vanilla Ice cream (also first time item – pray for my patience)
DGMD All-purpose meatballs
Authors note: Meatballs, while deeply satisfying in their repetitive nature to make, are something I prefer to tackle only once or twice a year. So, needless to say, I go for large batches like this one and then freeze them once reasonable par-baked so that I can snag them for months from the garage freezer when the mood for spaghettio’s strikes. Sure – you could make less, but why would you?
- 1-2 pounds of the following ground meats (you’re looking for ~5lb total weight), fully thawed on the counter:
- Beef: I like sirloin for this as opposed to chuck only because I know I’m getting good fat content from the others in the pool. Fat is not the enemy, folks, it makes things taste good and specifically here makes for a less-dry meatball. (Pro cheat tip – I have absolutely bought pre-mixed beef meatballs from the butcher counter for this part!)
- Veal: this is non-negotiable for a tender meatball, IMHO. Yes, it’s a little pricey.
- Pork: you can go plain ground, but I am 100% for the pro cheat here of getting a sausage mix that has been pre-done. And while the easiest choice seems to be Italian sausage grind (hot or sweet varietal), I challenge you to look at some of the other lurking beauties in the counter or talk to your butcher about available varietals.
- FYI: the batch in the picture used a more German-style Shiner Bock beer sausage and a pork and lamb Portuguese variety that had a little heat. Great combo!) That being said, read what’s in said sausage for seasoning to ensure it jives with where you’re going flavor-wise.
- When in doubt on what’s in the sausage, pull off a tiny piece and quickly fry it up in a pan on the stove. Taste. I tend to find that most pre-made sausages are already more than salty enough for me and am able to significantly decrease my added salt later on.
- 1 standard loaf of french bread: cut into chunks and pull out just the white fluffy bits. If you come up with a great use for hulled out crusts (I’m thinking toasting and using them to dredge cheese into my mouth), let me know!
- About a cup of milk (whatever percentage you have), and *yes* COW milk) +/- a splash of heavy cream
- 4-5 eggs: Pro cheat time again – I shamelessly use liquid eggs (whole eggs, not just the whites!) for this and pour until it looks “about right”. You want everything glisteny, sticky but not swimming here
- 2 cups Parmesan cheese, separated in half: use the stuff in the green jar here (yes, we all know it’s not 100% real cheese!) and save to good stuff for toppings
- â…“ cup fresh chopped flat leaf parsley: usually I sub curly parsley in ubiquitously, but here it really makes for a better texture
- Kosher salt: be gentle depending on how many pre-made meat mixes you use
- Fresh ground black pepper (we like a good bit on a medium coarse grind, but you do you)
- Spray cooking oil: we’re tacky and use the neutral oil with butter flavor for most things, but I do keep a sprayer of EVOO and of garlic flavored olive oil on hand
- Italian seasoning (OPTIONAL): again, this depends on what you’re rocking in your meat mixtures and how truly multipurpose you want these meatballs.
- Preheat your oven to 450 F and place a rack in the upper third. If you’re going to try and bake all in one go, have a second rack in the lower third as well. (If you’re going to rest the meat mixture overnight, obviously don’t preheat the oven 24h in advance.)
- Tear all of the white fluffy parts of the bread out of the crust and into pea-to-almond-sized pieces. Put in a bowl and pour in the cream and just enough milk to absorb in but not to float the bread like cheerios. You may need to add a little at a time and toss periodically.
- In your largest mixing bowl, combine and lightly toss together your meats. You can use a couple of large forks, but honestly, the hands are your best tool here. Be prepared, this is a multi-hand-wash kind of endeavor.
- Gently press the meat mix against the sides of the bowl forming an inner meat bowl, if you will (this allows for more even seasoning distribution and mixing in a minute here.) Season with salt, pepper, and additional seasonings as desired all over the meat-bowl surface.
- Dump milk-soaked bread, 1 cup of parmesan, eggs, and parsley in the middle of the meat-bowl and folding the bowl sides inward, gently but thoroughly incorporate the whole mix together.
- Fry a tiny patty in a hot pan with a little neutral cooking spray until crispy and cooked though. Taste. What does it need? Go there. Mix and repeat as needed.
- When you are pleased with the taste, throw a piece of plastic wrap over the bowl and heft that bad boy into the fridge. You’d like this to sit and marry with itself for at least a couple hours, but overnight or until the next day is totally stellar.
- When ready to bake, place racks onto two half-sheet sheet pans. Spray liberally with cooking oil spray. (Pro cleaning cheat: line those pans with foil before placing the rack to decrease your cleaning pain later. Or in my case, my hubby’s cleaning pain!)
- Pull the meatball mix from the fridge and set it in good reaching proximity of your prepared baking sheets. Place the second cup of parmesan cheese in a small bowl, also nearby (we’re building the most ergonomic assembly line plausible). If you’re short, may I recommend a small step to help ease the pain of your shoulders (I have two similar to this one — I’m not getting kickbacks from listing this product, it’s just handy as all heck!) I also liek to put a silicone baking mat (my big one) under my work area so that I can toss the whole mess in the skin later and don’t have to think about raw meat and eggs on my granite. Not a must do, just a useful one.
- Grab a wad of mixture of desired size. (I use a cookie dough scooper sprayed with cooking oil spray for this. You don’t have to but it helps my OCD.) Roll the meatball gently in the bowl of cheese to coat. Roll gently between your palms, being careful to not overly squish it into a hard little golf ball. Place on prepared rack.
- Repeat step 10 eleventy-million times.
- Bake at 450 F for roughly 30 minutes rotating the pan front to back in the middle. If you’re doing the whole batch at once on two racks, rotate both front to back for each pan and swap racks in the middle. Your acrobatics will be rewarded.
- Meatballs are done when browned to your liking at they have reached in internal temp of at least 160 F (in compliance with the FDA for ground meats.) Let them set and cool a spell on the counter until you can easily pick them up with your hands. I pile mine into big zip-top baggies and keep them for a day in the fridge before transferring them to the freezer. If you are a magical unicorn domestic goddess who has freezer space to put two half sheet pans direct in your freezer, then by all means get down with your bad self!
- Use for all of the meatball desires of your hearts and tummies until you run out and have to do it all again!
Domestic Goddess M.D. 